Current Status, or, Another Bad Introduction, I Guess?
I'm glad one of us posted to the blog, even if it was more of a vent than I expected to start this out with. It's been a real struggle to get anything out here.
I'm hoping for this blog to be informative. I legitimately hope that my life experiences, my self-discovery, can be helpful for the people like me in situations where they can't afford (or otherwise access) therapy for DID. I'll elaborate sometime soon.
I am hoping we can express ourselves emotionally and still be taken seriously when we decide to be informative.
I just want to state, if I'm being honest, I am in a state I've never been in before. I've been totally non-functioning before, I've been suicidal more often than not, but what's happening now is different. I'm simultaneously getting worse and better, I think. I've learned so much more about myself/myselves lately, my past makes more sense than it ever has, but the future has never been more uncertain and frightening, and it is a hell of a thing to grapple with when the idea of a better future kept you going in bad times.
Bluntly, this is so bad that it's infuriating that I've always been told to live for the supposedly bright future. Like a carrot dangled in front of me, can't ever reach it. This SHOULD be the best time of my life so far. It WOULD be, could've been, except that instead, things outside of my control are shaking both the world and myself. So now, I'm just hanging on for dear life in a brand new way. And I'm tired of being told I'm not allowed to be upset about it.
Ugh. This is sounding like whichever one of me was pissed last time. Which, well, we're all under stress, my entire person. I don't mean to go in repetitive cycles.
I really hope I live to see better times than this. I'm in shock and disbelief, and I am frightened about what's happening in the white house as I type this. I feel like I'm peering over a cliff edge and they're either going to pull us back or shove us over. For not the first time, people are going to live or die based off of paperwork.
When I try to sleep, I can't. When I try to be awake and get through the day, I'm exhausted.
Many things suck currently, but at least I'm writing something again, even if this is a mess.